Starting Fresh

Sometimes
I dream that I've moved away from here
Go to a whole new town
A new place
With new people
Who know nothing about who I am
Or who I was
Who think that I'm not just a lonely kid
Living in this big person body
To them I'm not just some kid
Who's too afraid to talk to others
Who is afraid to cry
Who loves to sing in the shower and in the car
Even though I'm tone deaf
Who is afraid to sleep alone
In the darkest dark
Because of the nightmares that reside in the nothingness
Because if the dark lingers
The monsters of the past will come out
Baring their teeth
I lived where people barely knew my name
Knew of the monsters and fears and anger
Where the loves of the past
Can't find me
Where I drop off the face of the Earth
And reappear new
Reborn
A phoenix
I dreamed where I wasn't here anymore
Where no one knew who I was
Or where I've been
Or where I'm from
But then I awake
In the same place
In the same spot
And I'm almost afraid to breathe
It might shatter the world that I've created
My facade of bravery and strength
Could break into a million pieces
I'm not ready to leave this place
To leave my mask behind
With a letter
Asking for forgiveness
And hoping the best for the rest of their lives
With no forwarding address
Or phone number
Maybe tomorrow I'll start new